Average Jane

Average Jane Cuts Down A Tree

Once upon a time, I had a huge, ancient locust tree in my front yard. Time took its inevitable toll and after the tree dramatically split in half one day, I had it cut down and the stump ground up.

That’s where this mistake began.

After a bit, I decided I would like to have a tree in that spot again. I did some research, decided on a tulip poplar, and purchased one that was about six or seven feet tall. I dug a hole in the middle of the tree trunk mulch and installed the new tree.

Now, the problem with planting a tree in the spot where another, bigger tree used to be, is that it takes a while for the old roots to finish breaking down—and when they do, that spot begins to sink. At best, you end up with your new tree in a pit and at worst, you have the problem that developed at my house.

After a while, it became clear that my tree was leaning. It’s something I would probably have been able to fix with stakes over the first few years, but I never quite got around to it. In fact, I even purchased stakes and rope and kept aside an old garden hose to cut into pieces so it would protect the tree from the rope, but I never quite got where I was headed with the whole project.

So, the tree kept growing and the angle of the lean got sharper. The outer side of the trunk split and began to rot, even as the tree finally matured enough to start blooming. The top of the tree tried desperately to swoop a bit toward being vertical, but without much success. Meanwhile, no amount of fill dirt seemed to be enough to keep the pit the tree was situated in from deepening each year. Mowing around it was always a dusty chore.

Yesterday, I finally did what I should have done years before. The weather was unseasonably nice, so I got out my work gloves, my reciprocating saw, my loppers and a tarp, and I went out to cut the tree down.

I started by cutting off the top part at about the five-foot mark. It fell just short of my Little Free Library, and I used my tools to cut off the branches one by one and pile them on the tarp. I cut up pieces that were thick enough for the fire pit into logs and put them by the back fence to dry until next spring.

Now, a reciprocating saw isn't the ideal tool for cutting down a tree of this size. However, I was working alone and didn't like the idea of using a chainsaw without a work buddy around. So, I took breaks from tackling the lower trunk of the tree to haul the branches to the brush pile in my back yard. When I couldn't drag the tarp with the full pile on it, I enlisted my wheelbarrow for two loads and used the tarp for the rest.

I kind of hated to increase the size of my brush pile, but I have plans for it in the spring. Also, if there are any critters living in there right now, they might appreciate the extra layers of branches while it’s still winter.

Once I had the front yard cleaned up, it was time to finish the job. I’m in the kind of shape you’d expect for someone who sits at a desk all day and then chooses board gaming and watching YouTube videos as her preferred leisure activities. But I persisted in tackling the base of the tree from all angles, taking breaks as needed and occasionally saying, “Almost there,” out loud in a way that I hope did not have the neighbors questioning my sanity.

Finally, I managed to cut through the base of the trunk. Not surprisingly, it weighed too much for me to just pick it up and take it away. Fortunately, my neighbor and her son were driving by and stopped to comment about my tree triumph right about then. They lifted the trunk onto my tarp for me, which was all I needed to be able to drag it into the back yard. I make it sound so easy. In reality, it was heavy as hell and I barely had the strength to get it where I wanted it.

The rest of the job can wait until spring. I need to have some gung-ho friends come over for a chainsaw party where we can cut up the rest of the trunk and also another fallen tree that’s nearby. The brush pile will be fed into my wood chipper to make mulch for my various landscaping needs. And I’ll order enough dirt to fill the very large depression in the yard where the tree was.

Despite that entire process taking more than two hours, I feel surprisingly okay today. My biceps and quads are a little sore, but I was expecting much worse.

Best of all, I can now walk out into my front yard without being confronted by a tall, crooked reminder of my own series of mistakes.

Farewell, tree. You deserved better.

Average Jane vs. The Zucchini

Okay, the whole zucchini thing is not as adversarial as it sounds. However, considering that I planted exactly two zucchini seeds, the level of vegetable production I'm experiencing is almost alarming.

On June 23rd, I took a couple of photos of some adorable little zucchini plants that were just forming and still had yellow blossoms on their tips.

One rainstorm later and on July 1st I had a nice harvest of two good-sized squashes, two cucumbers and a handful of grape tomatoes.

Pay no attention to my filthy car upholstery. Look at the beautiful vegetables!

Three days later I stopped by my garden to water and picked another moderately-sized zucchini, two more cucumbers and a few more grape tomatoes. I took one last look at my smaller zucchini plant and discovered THE BIGGEST ZUCCHINI EVER hiding in the leaves. I can't believe I hadn't spotted it earlier.

You could seriously mess someone up if you hit them with that beast of a squash. It had to have weighed more than two pounds.

I got out my trusty Kitchen-Aid vegetable slicer attachment and shredded the monster zucchini. It produced six cups of vegetable matter.

First I made two loaves of zucchini bread. My husband had been chanting, "Zucchini bread, zucchini bread..." like a mantra ever since I'd told him I planted zucchini, so obviously I had to start there.

With the remaining three cups of shredded zucchini, I made a double batch of zucchini pancakes to accompany the grilled steaks we had for dinner last night. I followed the link in that blog post to Maangchi.com and made the dipping sauce she recommended to accompany the pancakes, using the largest of the jalapeño peppers I have growing outside my back door.

We will definitely be having those again. The dipping sauce alone was so good that I want to dip all my food in it forever.

Tonight I made a pretty pedestrian batch of spaghetti with sauce from a jar, but of course included a sliced zucchini because these things are not going to stop growing. I still have two more waiting to be used and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a new crop ready for picking before the end of the week.

So do you have any recipes for zucchini that are interesting, delicious, unusual or otherwise worth passing along? I think I'm going to need them!

Average Jane Begins Her Gardening

I took the day off from work yesterday and, after fortifying myself with coffee and a breakfast sandwich from Mildred's, set about getting the things I needed to work on my flower and vegetable gardens.

This was one of those times when it was helpful to have a smart phone. I looked up the website for Planters and was pleased to learn that they open at 7:00 a.m. each day. I wasn't far away, so I headed there and started choosing plants for my vegetable garden.

I selected several varieties of tomato, bell and jalapeño peppers, eggplant, cilantro, rosemary and marjoram. I also picked up a flat of safari red marigolds and seed packets for green beans, zucchini, lettuce, spinach and sugar snap peas.

After I'd dropped off that load of purchases, I went to Lowe's for cypress mulch, a new trowel, work gloves and potting soil. While I was there, I picked up a couple of hosta plants to fill in around the oak tree in our back yard, two small pots of ground cover for a bed that's looking a little sparse, and a cucumber plant for my vegetable garden.

It was a bit challenging to fit it all in my car:

As you can see from the photo, it wasn't exactly sunny yesterday. In fact, it was rather chilly and the guy at Planters suggested that I wait a week before transplanting the vegetables. That, and the fact that it looked like it could rain at any moment, caused me to decide to begin my gardening at home.

First on the agenda was the restoration of my herb garden. It had been several years since I last planted anything there, but the chives and one oregano(?) plant were still volunteering. I dug up and weeded the bed, planted my new herbs around the more established plants, then mulched around them.

The next bed was to be given over to the elephant ear bulbs I'd stored for the winter, with marigold plants for accents. Eight of the elephant ears seemed to have survived nicely, one was questionable and one had obviously rotted. I thought that was pretty good for my first overwintering experience.

Once again I dug up all the weeds, did my planting and mulched.

It will look a lot more impressive in a couple of months, but at least it's tidy.

I also planted my new hostas and the ground cover went in a back yard flower bed with some of the elephant ear bulbs. I'll be filling in that bed with some of my extra marigolds today.

Because it's still cool and cloudy outside, I'm planning on limiting my vegetable garden planting to just seeds today. I'm keeping the plants outside, but I'll give them a break on the transplanting until it warms up again. Once I find the motivation to get dressed, eat breakfast and drink coffee, I'll load up my tools and seeds, head over to the community garden and get things going.

I love long weekends.

Average Jane, Gardener

This winter I decided that this is the year I'm going to try vegetable gardening again. I gave it a shot in the mid-'90s when we bought our house, but gave up after a couple of years of struggling with poor soil and terrible crop yields.

To deal with the soil issue, my plan was to build a raised bed in as sunny a backyard spot as I could find. There would be up-front expense and labor to construct the bed and fill it with soil. Then I would plant my selected crops, figure out how to best protect them from the many woodland creatures that traverse our yard, and make sure to schedule plenty of time for watering and weeding.

Then I saw a message that my city's community garden is offering free garden plots for the growing season.

The community garden is less than a mile from my house and I drive by it every day. It features 50-square-foot raised beds with concrete sides, and I'm pretty sure the city provides the water. If I went that route, all I would have to do is use my own tools (which I already have), buy my own seeds and/or seedlings, and swing by often to weed and eventually harvest.

The critter issue shouldn't be quite as bad as it would be at my house because the community garden is at a busy intersection close to an interstate. I would hope that the local fauna wouldn't be reckless enough to spend much time bothering everyone's tomatoes there.

I signed up and I've been assigned plot #1.

So now I need to think seriously about what vegetables I want to grow and how best to arrange them. There's a community planting day scheduled in the next couple of weeks, so I'll make sure to get my diagrams drawn and my seeds and plants purchased by then.

Just for my own convenience, I think I'll revive my herb garden this year as well. I have an area near my front door that still has some volunteer chives and thyme from years past. It just needs a little clearing and tilling to be a viable place to plant herbs again.

If all goes well, I should have a nice, long season of my favorite vegetables: tomatoes, green beans, lettuce, radishes, squash, etc. I know it'll take some work, but I think it'll be well worth it!

Photo credit: Downing Street

Average Jane's Non-Green Thumb

As much as I love gardens and houseplants in theory, I have to admit that I'm not very good with them. For instance, I bought numerous packs of geranium plants in the late spring and they're still sitting around unplanted (yet alive!).

A couple of weeks ago I took a good look at my lime tree which was languishing on top of the TV and decided that it would be happier spending some time outside. Man, was that a good call! It's gone crazy with new leaves, blossoms and baby limes, and now I feel really guilty about not putting it out sooner.

The plants all live on top of the enormous, broken projection TV in our living room and we've been putting off finding a new plant stand for them even though it's obvious that the TV needs to go. Last weekend I moved all of the house plants outside next to the lime tree so they could enjoy a little warmth and rainwater and I could start thinking about Craigslisting the TV.

Even though the other plants aren't going as crazy outdoors as the tree, I'm happy that the rain has at least washed the dust off their leaves. Oh, and there's this interesting development:

The lime tree and the impatiens have both developed hardy clusters of toadstools in their pots.

Finally, as an update to my post about deliberate plant killing, I'm happy to report that the poison ivy plants near my front door are indeed dead.

Ha, ha!

Of course, at some point I'm going to have to remove the plant corpses and I am well aware that they are chock-full of poison ivy oils that could still get me. I'll be very careful

Average Jane's Pumpkin Patch

Last autumn, I went on a hayride with my sister and niece, and returned home with two medium-sized pumpkins. I placed them, intact, on either side of my front steps for decoration and left them there until they were nothing but papery husks with thick stems sticking out. In the back of my mind, I had the idea that they might sprout pumpkin vines. That's exactly what happened.

To the right of our porch, there is a rapidly-growing pumpkin plant with a stem an inch thick, leaves the size of dessert plates, and more golden blossoms with each passing day. Early on it began to encroach on the sidewalk, so I gently pointed it in the opposite direction and now it's advancing on the peony bush. I think I'm going to build it an arc of chicken wire to give it something to clasp with its little tendrils (other than the surrounding marigolds).

Some of my guests are a little puzzled by the presence of the huge, Triffid-like pumpkin vine. I've heard more than once, "Is that some kind of big weed?" No, indeed! It's my ticket to free Halloween decorations this year.

The best part is that the pumpkin plant looks rather attractive with the other flowers I planted nearby. I went with a palette of reds, yellows and oranges this year, so the squash blossoms, and eventually the pumpkins themselves, complement the look nicely. Maybe next year I'll skip the flowers altogether and just go for attractive crops in front of the house. It would certainly cement my reputation as being practical to a fault!