Average Jane

Average Jane Writes A Daily Haiku - January 2023

Last year when Wordle became a big deal, a group of friends of mine on Discord started sharing our scores every day as our proof of life. This year, I decided I was tired of the game, so instead I proposed a daily haiku. 

My poetry is as mundane as everything I write on the blog, so I figured as long as I’m writing a little poem every day, I might as well collect them at the end of each month and share them here. I write a lot of them first thing in the morning, which I’m sure you will be able to tell.

Without further ado and with no added context, here is the crop from January.

January 1st:
Greeting the new year
Under piles of warm blankets
Today I will rest

January 2nd:
Cleaning the freezer
So many expired foods
Need better planning 

January 3rd:
Back to work today
My password is expired
I might run away

January 4th:
Post-insomnia
Ridiculous vivid dreams
Really want that dress

January 5th:
Cat just woke me up
Why isn’t it Friday yet?
Need to win lotto

January 6th:
Up extra early
More time with the cats and dog
And the laundry, too

January 7th:
Oven set to low
Spices, sugar, vinegar
Pulled pork for dinner

January 8th:
Memento mori 
Was the unexpected theme
Of new Puss in Boots

January 9th:
Crashed with the lights on
So tired, completely dressed
I need more weekend

January 10th:
Snuggly little dog
Giant, purring black kitty
Might go back to sleep

January 11th:
This bag of spinach
NOT thoroughly rinsed as billed
I hope that is mud

January 12th:
Spilled coffee again 
My desk is caffeinated
Better than I am

January 13th:
Just one more workday
Until the three-day weekend 
My brain needs a rest

January 14th:
Thai yoga massage
Ninety minutes booked today
Ahhh, relaxation 

January 15th:
Spent time in nature 
Lovely, even with no green
I’ll sleep well tonight 

January 16th:
Baked lemon pound cake
Homemade, from scratch, delicious 
So suck it, Starbucks

January 17th:
Oh hey, back to work
What did I forget last week?
Gonna find out now

January 18th:
Taught the spouse one game 
And now he always wins it
I’m a sore loser

January 19th:
Haven’t sung in years
Going to a jam tonight 
Where are my lyrics?

January 20th:
It’s still a workday?
Why am I so damn tired?
Wish I were a cat

January 21st:
A busy day planned
But first I’ll sit and admire
My fancy new rug

January 22nd:
Early to bed and
Early to rise makes for some
Quiet reading time

January 23rd:
Office is so cold
Checked to make sure the windows
Were actually closed

January 24th:
Weather is changing
I don’t need a forecaster
My sinuses know

January 25th:
The perfect snowfall:
Pretty on the tree branches
Not much on the ground 

January 26th:
It’s time to get up
But this book is really good
And this dog is warm

January 27th:
It’s RuneQuest day - yay!
Finding my inner sassy
Shapeshifter again

January 28th:
Muffins for breakfast 
No real plans for the weekend
Guess I’ll read this book

January 29th:
I cut down a tree
Yesterday so today I
Will relax all day

January 30th:
Little bit sniffly
Swab, swirl, drop, fifteen minutes 
Nope, looks like I’m fine

January 31st:
Gas pump soaked my gloves
Flammable laundry is not
A task I wanted

Average Jane Cuts Down A Tree

Once upon a time, I had a huge, ancient locust tree in my front yard. Time took its inevitable toll and after the tree dramatically split in half one day, I had it cut down and the stump ground up.

That’s where this mistake began.

After a bit, I decided I would like to have a tree in that spot again. I did some research, decided on a tulip poplar, and purchased one that was about six or seven feet tall. I dug a hole in the middle of the tree trunk mulch and installed the new tree.

Now, the problem with planting a tree in the spot where another, bigger tree used to be, is that it takes a while for the old roots to finish breaking down—and when they do, that spot begins to sink. At best, you end up with your new tree in a pit and at worst, you have the problem that developed at my house.

After a while, it became clear that my tree was leaning. It’s something I would probably have been able to fix with stakes over the first few years, but I never quite got around to it. In fact, I even purchased stakes and rope and kept aside an old garden hose to cut into pieces so it would protect the tree from the rope, but I never quite got where I was headed with the whole project.

So, the tree kept growing and the angle of the lean got sharper. The outer side of the trunk split and began to rot, even as the tree finally matured enough to start blooming. The top of the tree tried desperately to swoop a bit toward being vertical, but without much success. Meanwhile, no amount of fill dirt seemed to be enough to keep the pit the tree was situated in from deepening each year. Mowing around it was always a dusty chore.

Yesterday, I finally did what I should have done years before. The weather was unseasonably nice, so I got out my work gloves, my reciprocating saw, my loppers and a tarp, and I went out to cut the tree down.

I started by cutting off the top part at about the five-foot mark. It fell just short of my Little Free Library, and I used my tools to cut off the branches one by one and pile them on the tarp. I cut up pieces that were thick enough for the fire pit into logs and put them by the back fence to dry until next spring.

Now, a reciprocating saw isn't the ideal tool for cutting down a tree of this size. However, I was working alone and didn't like the idea of using a chainsaw without a work buddy around. So, I took breaks from tackling the lower trunk of the tree to haul the branches to the brush pile in my back yard. When I couldn't drag the tarp with the full pile on it, I enlisted my wheelbarrow for two loads and used the tarp for the rest.

I kind of hated to increase the size of my brush pile, but I have plans for it in the spring. Also, if there are any critters living in there right now, they might appreciate the extra layers of branches while it’s still winter.

Once I had the front yard cleaned up, it was time to finish the job. I’m in the kind of shape you’d expect for someone who sits at a desk all day and then chooses board gaming and watching YouTube videos as her preferred leisure activities. But I persisted in tackling the base of the tree from all angles, taking breaks as needed and occasionally saying, “Almost there,” out loud in a way that I hope did not have the neighbors questioning my sanity.

Finally, I managed to cut through the base of the trunk. Not surprisingly, it weighed too much for me to just pick it up and take it away. Fortunately, my neighbor and her son were driving by and stopped to comment about my tree triumph right about then. They lifted the trunk onto my tarp for me, which was all I needed to be able to drag it into the back yard. I make it sound so easy. In reality, it was heavy as hell and I barely had the strength to get it where I wanted it.

The rest of the job can wait until spring. I need to have some gung-ho friends come over for a chainsaw party where we can cut up the rest of the trunk and also another fallen tree that’s nearby. The brush pile will be fed into my wood chipper to make mulch for my various landscaping needs. And I’ll order enough dirt to fill the very large depression in the yard where the tree was.

Despite that entire process taking more than two hours, I feel surprisingly okay today. My biceps and quads are a little sore, but I was expecting much worse.

Best of all, I can now walk out into my front yard without being confronted by a tall, crooked reminder of my own series of mistakes.

Farewell, tree. You deserved better.