Dear Dr. Jones.
I'd like to start on a positive note by praising the mentoring role you've assumed in relation to Toby. This the kind of commitment to diversity we like to see. Although it's clear that there are some cross-species communications barriers between you, we appreciate the fact that you have embraced him wholeheartedly, unlike some of your colleagues.
Unfortunately, some of your other behaviors of late are of concern.
First, there's the television. I know it's fascinating when a football moves across the screen, but I'm sure you've figured out by now that there's no chance you will ever catch the football. If you check your handbook you'll see it clearly states that touching the TV screen is never acceptable. Speaking of which, we can't help noticing that the entire television keeps ending up tilted downward in a most suspicious manner considering that it is firmly affixed to its stand. It seems almost as though an 18-pound cat keeps trying to climb on top. I'm not accusing you of anything but again, it is not okay to touch the TV.
On to the matter of food. Per your contract, you are provided with numerous premium quality meals every day at no charge. However, you have frequently been observed eating your colleagues' food. First of all, you are all given the same food at the same times throughout the day. Secondly, in addition to the regular food, you and you alone are given a special food that only you like. Why then would you feel the need to supplement your diet by taking food away from your cohorts? Please cease this rude, unfair and obesity-inducing behavior at once.*
Then there's your attitude toward certain of your co-workers. As mentioned before, your relationship with Toby is quite praiseworthy, as is your partnership with Trillian (a.k.a. Tiny). The fact that you and Trillian both deliberately aggravate Xena is where it all goes wrong. I'm aware that Xena is not as friendly as she might be, but she has her own role here and it is not helpful to pounce on her unexpectly when she's going about her own business. Rule of thumb: if someone is growling and hissing at you, stop what you're doing.
This also applies to your unhealthy fascination with Kaylee. I know she seems interesting and exotic because she works in our satellite office, but that is no excuse to sneak into the studio to stare at her and make her uncomfortable. You've been through the HR training, so I shouldn't need to clarify how inappropriate this behavior is.
Just to end on a high note, you get a solid B+ from all members of management for your superior lap-sitting qualities. All it would take to get you into the A range would be losing a couple of pounds to take some pressure off our knees.
Thanks for your time and consideration. I look forward to working with you to remedy these concerns and I will feel as though we have made progress if no one refers to you as an asshole within the next quarter.
*It has come to our attention that you are not the food stealing culprit after all. In fact, it is Velvet, who will be appropriately reprimanded in her next review. Our apologizes for the false accusation.