Average Jane Overreacts

My husband and I get along quite well. We're both mellow people who don't like to argue, so we cruise along with minimal wrangling, even though there are a few things about which we fundamentally disagree.

The one thing that makes me really mad at him--and it's happening more and more often as we stay home to try to save money--is when he's critical of something I've cooked. If he so much as breathes a word of negativity about something I have made or plan to make, it instantly flips my hostility switch.

It happened the other day when I was laying out my plan to make roast beef sandwiches for dinner. He made what was no doubt a mild statement about the fact that he's not a big roast beef fan and I drew upon my inner longshoreman to verbally chastise him in the strongest possible terms.

When he rightly protested, it finally dawned on me (after almost sixteen years of marriage) that I really was out of line. And then I realized where it was all coming from.

While I was growing up, the dinner table was a frequent passive-aggressive battleground for my parents. My mom would make spaghetti and my dad would say he just had spaghetti for lunch. She'd cook ham and cabbage and he'd make a crack about "peasant food." These scenarios made my mom furious and I'm pretty sure I remember hearing a story about her throwing a plate of food at him in the early days of their marriage.

Over time, I'd internalized the idea that criticizing home-cooked food was grounds for righteous fury on the part of the cook.

I'm not saying my husband isn't a little unreasonably picky at times. However, he truly doesn't deserve to be treated as if he'd just committed an unpardonable sin just because broccoli isn't his favorite vegetable.

So I'll be working on that.

Comments

[Bonnie]

Huh. I thought I was the only one that reacted this way...

[Donna W]

Cliff learned early in our marriage not to comment negatively about food I cooked. I'm very sensitive that way. Cliff isn't picky at all, and sometimes I would take something as negative that really wasn't. He just shuts up and eats, leaving me to wonder if he really likes the new dish I cooked; he'd never tell me if he didn't!

[lizriz]

This sounds like a sound realization, but it made me think of how after my last boyfriend I've realized that I really want to date someone who eats like me. Because I eat such simple food, that someone who eats a lot of rich stuff thinks all my food is bland. Kinda sucked last time around, and the worst was that I started eating more rich stuff with him, and then my dishes started tasting bland to me! (And I gained 10 pounds.)

BTW, if I haven't said it yet, I'm so sorry to hear about your job. I know that is so stressful.

[Dawn Rouse]

I haven't cooked meals since 1995. I simply couldn't cope with the comments or sighs or suggestions as to how I could have done it better.

So I stopped cooking.

I figured that I didn't need the criticism and if he felt he could do it "better" than he was more than welcome to the job.

[Keith]

Of course men know that when they say they like something to a woman, she will make it for him every day and he lives to regret his words !

[Barb Holter]

I can clarify the dinner plate incident because I was there. You were a baby and I was there to babysit after dinner. Your mother grabbed his plate and scraped it into the garbage disposal. They left shortly after that for a movie, so I have no details except the shock value of that act. No dishes were thrown. My husband is totally without opinion so I cook sporadically and according to what I want. He is definitely not a "way to his heart is through his stomach" guy. He eats constantly, and consumes about 3,000 calories a day; nibbling here and there. Most of the time it just seems like a waste of time to cook when he would be content with cereal and me with a sandwich. We sound like the ancient couple with cereal suppers, but I NEVER eat cereal.

[Suebob]

That's what makes a good marriage - the realizing and learning part.

I was more like Dawn. The ex made so many snide comments that I just quit cooking. He made himself microwave meals and seemed happy about it. Fine.

[Rachel]

I like the picture you chose to go with this post. LOL

[cagey]

I love over-reacting! Over-reacting is my favorite!

I call these arguments Food Fights and they are infamous around these here parts. Overall, Manoj likes my cooking, but man, when he makes even the most innocuous comment, that can set me off.