Dear Ms. Velvet,
Since the unfortunate demise of your colleague, Ms. Velcro, you have been promoted to the position of my primary downstairs cat companion, a.k.a. #2 Downstairs Cat or VP. It was my understanding that you had been eagerly awaiting this opportunity, but there are some associated job duties upon which I feel you need to concentrate more effort.
Your primary duty in this role is to sit on my lap whenever I am seated on a couch for more than, say, 5 minutes. Purring is much appreciated as well, but not mandatory. However, licking is strongly discouraged.
Of late, I have noticed your tendency to leave my lap for extended periods of time in favor of lying on your cardboard scratchy thing. You are welcome to take brief breaks to enjoy any of your toys or play with your colleague, Ms. Xena, but please keep your lap duties in mind and adjust your playtime accordingly when I am around.
Don't forget that there is a pair of eager young interns in our Studio Department. If you are unable or unwilling to fully embrace your position, there remains the possibility of transferring Ms. Trillian and Dr. Jones to your department. At that time, either or both of them may permanently assume most or all of your lap privileges.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Average Jane
Ah, cats! What I love about them is what I also find so aggravating about them: they do what they want and don't give a monkey's about your preferences.
Did I tell you I'm sorry about Velcro's passing? I meant to.
Posted by: Vee | March 26, 2010 at 07:16 AM
"You're always replaceable, kid. Now go out there and do a great job."
Posted by: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=632019852 | March 26, 2010 at 09:02 AM
LOL!
Posted by: Spyder | March 26, 2010 at 09:41 AM
LOVE IT!
Posted by: LuAnn | March 26, 2010 at 09:47 AM
Very nice.
Posted by: Kari Quaas | March 26, 2010 at 01:09 PM
This is hilarious!
Posted by: Ginger Dodds | March 26, 2010 at 02:43 PM
Um, in my house, the cats give me the scathing purrformance reviews. I am cuurently on probationary stFatus.
Posted by: BZTAT | March 26, 2010 at 03:22 PM
I'm wondering if the cat complied...
Posted by: Lindsey Petersen | March 27, 2010 at 04:42 PM
Hop to Velvet! Though one would wonder where Kitteh #1 is in all this. Even though she's Alex's Kitteh Wife, there's no excuse for not training her undercats properly.
Posted by: Christy | March 28, 2010 at 08:32 AM
Oh, I did this too! I love my cats, but they got some work to do. I evaluated them on shedding, breaking and entering, catching vermin, re-setting the time on the clock radio, etc.
http://class-factotum.blogspot.com/2009/08/cat-performance-evaluation-six-month.html
Posted by: class factotum | March 29, 2010 at 04:03 PM