Average Jane's Big Feast

So Trillian woke me up at 6:00 a.m. yesterday, just like every day. She actually wakes me up about every three hours all night long, but the six o'clock wake-up is the one that sticks.

My husband had been sleeping on the couch for some reason, so I transferred him to the bedroom and we did a cat exchange so that Xena would be shut in the room with him and Trillian could roam the house free of the threat of being viciously hunted down and pummelled.

As I checked my e-mail, I went over my Thanksgiving cooking plans in my head. I'd been brining the turkey since the morning before in a mixture of apple cider, brown sugar, kosher salt, fresh ginger, garlic, cloves, bay leaves and orange slices. I figured it would need to cook about four hours (13+ pounds x 20 minutes per pound) with the stuffing inside.

After a few hours of surfing and reading, I started to get bored, which caused me to accelerate my food preparation. Even though dinner wasn't until 2:00 p.m., I went ahead and poured off the brine, rinsed and stuffed the turkey and put it in the oven around 9:30 a.m. At the same time, I started my dinner roll dough rising.

As long as I was in the kitchen anyway, I snapped the ends off the green beans and steamed them, then peeled and cut up the potatoes and placed them in a pot of water to wait for the time when I'd need to start applying heat. I mixed up the ingredients for cranberry sauce in a pan on the stove and prepared the brie I would be later be baking as an appetizer.

I know this sounds like a meal plan that would make Martha Stewart proud, but the reality is that Murphy's Law was in full effect. The rolls were tough - and I don't know why. I severely overcooked the turkey. The mashed potatoes were really dry because we barely had any milk. I hadn't bought enough green beans, so the green bean casserole was way too soupy and there was only enough for everyone to get a scant spoonful.

Did I mention that I managed to shower myself and the kitchen with red wine right as I was starting to serve the food? The white shirt I was wearing is now officially a dust rag.

Still, everyone complimented me profusely on the dinner. We had a nice time sitting around drinking champagne, wine and coffee, chatting and catching up. The cleanup was so easy that all evidence of the meal had disappeared by early evening (except for some wine stains on the edge of the counter that I noticed this morning). Oh, and there's an extra pumpkin pie in the refrigerator.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy having people over for dinner. I think I'm due to throw another dinner party soon.

Comments

[Donna W]

The red wine may be part of the problem?

I always overcook my turkey. So far, nobody has complained.

[Keith]

Oh dear, the story started off so well and then disaster strikes. Don't you taste your mash when you've made it ? My worst habit is undersalting, but you can always add it rather than take it away.

[Barbara Holter]

Thanks for such a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. I overheard Jim telling his friends that you were a wonderful cook. (I couldn't feel even a teeny bit jealous since my supreme indifference to cooking is well known.) If there were any cooking flaws I certainly didn't notice them, nor did my family. I also missed the wine spillage. I was impressed that the green beans were real, as opposed to canned. I just read in Mental Floss that the humble casserole was an ad campaign in the early 50's by Campbell Soup in an effort to sell more soup. So successful! What glorious comfort food! And I have never used mushroom soup at any time in any other way, so Campbell's campaign was successful beyond their wildest dreams. Supposedly it is served at 3 out of 4 Thanksgiving dinners.
My friend Nancy N. (who is a wonderful cook) reported that she screwed up a pecan pie so thoroughly that the crust and unjelled filling floated around in a disgusting manner, to the point that it couldn't be served. Fortunately, she had also made a pumpkin pie that was edible. Again, thanks for all the work and the happy socialization!
Sincerely,
Your aunt

[Raven]

I had a big problem with my green beans too! Sadly it may be due to my beautiful oven. I am going to have get myself a oven thermometer and see if I need to have it calibrated.

[ByJane]

This was hysterical. I could just hear you relating it...!

[Zen Zone Chick]

It all SOUNDS good! I am happy to report my 'new' mash recipe was a success...boil in 2% milk vs. water, load up garlic cloves & big springs of fresh rosemary and chives (and anything else..majoram perhaps)while cooking...fish out spices (not garlic) when done, strain some milk into cup, then add back in to mash. YUM! Oh, and the Lemon Chiffon pie I could TELL my MIL didn't want me to make was such a giant hit I printed off several copies of the recipe from Average Jane to hand out! :)-