Average Jane

Average Jane, Semi-Professional Musician

A dentist, an electrician, a lawyer and a copywriter walk into a bar...

That's not the setup for a joke, that's the actual makeup of my cover band. Obviously, we're not in it solely for the money. At last night's practice I discovered one of the perks of having a dentist in the band: free toothbrushes!

At this point, we're as ready as we're going to get for Saturday's gig. We're still short of songs, but I have a cheesy plan to burn up time and interact with the audience. I figured I'd go to U.S. Toy and pick up a bag of plastic leis (50 for $10.49) to give away to audience members throughout the evening. The leis serve several purposes:

1. Freebies, which people always love no matter how cheap they are.
2. They leave the door open for the ever-popular "get lei'd" joke, which is really only funny if you're drunk.
3. Gives me something to talk about between songs, as I'm planning to award them to people who can answer various simple questions about the songs or artists we're playing.

Between "Get Lei'd Trivia," asking people to sign up for our e-mail list, and taking pictures of people in the crowd for our MySpace page, I figure I'll have plenty of stuff to talk about on stage without having to resort to "Wooo! Who's ready to party!" ad nauseum. (Not that I won't say that once or twice - you know I will!)

Of course, that's the kind of thing that can completely backfire with an apathetic crowd, but I'm bargaining on our having enough friends and family members at the bar to mitigate that.

Now I just need to drag out all my PA equipment and make sure I have enough cables, power strips, etc. to get us set up. I can already see that I'll need to make a run to the music store on Saturday afternoon for a new mic cable - mine's all crackly for some reason.

Enough notes to self. I'll write up a full report on Sunday morning (or afternoon) when I wake up. Wish me luck!

Average Jane's Next Husband

Thanks to Girl Con Queso, I've discovered CelebMatch, a highly reliable, scientific quiz that has analyzed my biorhythms to determine which male celebrities I ought to run off and hook up with should I become available.

Their list for me (did I mention it was highly scientific?):

Casper van Dien - 98%
Tall, good-looking, about my age. Not a bad choice!

Andrew McCarthy - 98%
Should I be worried that his primary legacy seems to be "Weekend at Bernie's"?

Alessandro Nivola - 98%
I don't really know who he is, but maybe that's good. We can avoid the whole "Hollywood' thing and lead more normal lives.

Criss Angel - 97%
Aw, hell no! What a difference a percentage point makes. Anyone who has chosen the appellation "Mindfreak" for himself has immediately removed himself from contention.

Kid Rock - 97%
Pros: Rock star. Cons: Numerous baby mamas. Possible STDs. Probably still hung up on Pamela Anderson.

All in all, it looks like I'd be better off staying put with the guy who's done the "for richer or poorer" routine with me for almost 15 years now. Fame is overrated, don't you think?

Average Jane Is Much Cooler Now

Yesterday I ended up working from home until early afternoon so I could wait for the air conditioner repair guy while my husband slept. I was amazingly productive working in the quiet and comfort of my home office - I may have to do that more often.

The repairman quickly discovered that we needed a new capacitor (or as my husband and I immediately dubbed it, flux capacitor). He said they've been burning out with great regularity and that ours was the third one he'd replaced so far that day.

Do I think it's our fault it overheated and failed? Maybe...maybe not. I still need to add "change furnace filter" to my Google calendar and set it to recur each month.

We had another marathon band practice last night and I'm exhausted. We're practicing again on Thursday night, but I'm hoping it'll only be for a couple of hours. Everybody's a little concerned about our Saturday gig, but I think we're going to be fine.

One note from last night's practice: I used to think that various Led Zeppelin and AC/DC songs we performed were high and rather difficult to sing, but they're nothing compared to "Shout at the Devil" by Motley Crue. It think that song might injure me. If I'd known how hard it was going to be, I'd have worked on it with my vocal coach.

Before I went to bed last night I mass e-mailed all my local friends and also did a Facebook event invitation to see if I can get a decent-sized crowd to our gig on Saturday. Labor Day weekend isn't exactly the best time to try to plan an event, but I figured it was worth a try.

Speaking of music, I recorded new vocals for one of my other band's original songs the other night. It was easy to see that all the extra practice I'm getting with the cover band is really paying off. As soon as my husband gets the new song mixed, I'll upload it to Garageband and post it here, too.

Okay, off to work. Have a great Wednesday!

Average Jane Never Learns

In the spring of 2006, my husband and I had the opportunity to learn a very valuable lesson in home ownership regarding changing the filter on our central heating and cooling system. The summer heat had started early and our air conditioner just wasn't putting out any cold air. The problem: a hideously clogged and filthy filter.

Well, yesterday the same thing started happening. I was getting ready to go to bed when I noticed that it just wasn't very cool downstairs. It occurred to me that I couldn't remember the last time I changed the filter, so I took a late-night trip to the grocery store and bought the closest size I could find. It was two inches too tall, so I trimmed it down with scissors. It turned out that the old filter was indeed caked with dust and lint, so I replaced it with the clean, new filter and waited for things to sort themselves out.

Unfortunately, it didn't help. The air conditioner is running, but it's putting out air that can charitably be described as "not hot."

I'm now awake ridiculously early with a stiff neck from tossing in turning in my uncomfortably warm bedroom all night. Did I mention that the bedroom ceiling fan also shot craps recently? I should have taken a sleeping bag and slept in the studio.

Before I call for service, I need to go and make sure there's nothing about the outside unit that couldn't be fixed with a good spray from the hose. Sometimes it seems to draw in every filament of plant fiber on the block. If it looks normal, I suppose I'll have no choice but to request a repair call.

Man, I hope this isn't our fault for not replacing the filter...

Average Jane Calls Your Attention To Someone Far More Interesting

Jennifer Dziura, a comedienne who is one of the bloggers I met on the Ford Great Escape trip, is in the Middle East right now on an Armed Forced Entertainment tour entertaining the troops.

Her posts about it are fascinating, and loaded with photos. Check out her blog!

Average Jane Goes to a Concert

Last night we went to see Rush in concert. We'd gotten the invitation from another couple the night before and my husband wasn't all that enthusiastic about going.

Hubby: "I've seen them in concert before. Eh."
Me: "What tour was that?"
Hubby: "I think it was 2112."
Me: "That was in 1974! I think they might have, I don't know, changed since then."

I'd seen them in concert numerous times when I was in my hardcore Rush phase as a teenager. To be honest, I'd pretty much outgrown them by the time I was in my early 20s, too. Still: free ticket to a band I tend to like. Win, win.

We got to the outdoor amphitheater a little early and stood in the long line at the gate while we waited for our friends to arrive. Most of the fans didn't get the "Don't be that guy," memo and were wearing Rush shirts from various tours. The nerd quotient was high, as usual for Rush concerts. I readily include myself in that category so it's not an insult, merely an observation.

I paid the price for not keeping up with Rush since the '90s when it turned out that I was unfamiliar with a good 70% of the songs they played. They did do some of their hits from the '80s and early '90s, and some more obscure songs from that era, too. They didn't play anything at all from the '70s.

During the intermission, while the husbands were off looking at the ridiculously overpriced merchandise, a guy came up to us as we sat on our blankets on the lawn and wanted to know if we were actually Rush fans or if we'd been dragged to the show by our husbands or boyfriends. I told him I was a long-time Rush fan, which seemed to assure him that all was right with his universe.

My husband and I decided to leave during the encore so we could get home at a halfway decent hour. It was a good choice, particularly since we didn't recognize the first encore song anyway.

All in all, I had a good time despite our great distance from the stage and lack of recognition of many of the songs. It was fun to revisit a band I used to really love, even if my enthusiasm had dimmed over time.

Average Jane Runs Out of $

One of the drawbacks of never balancing my checkbook is that sometimes I miscalculate and overspend. I have done that for this pay period, which means I'm pretty much out of dough until the end of the month.

I think I can squeak by with my much-needed hair appointment on Saturday. There's nothing less attractive with blue highlights than grey roots, let me tell you. Aside from that, the belt-tightening has already begun.

Last night I made baked ziti with some fresh vegetables that one of my husband's studio clients brought us. (No, he's not trading studio time for produce...yet.) I used yellow and green peppers, zucchini, and some kind of pale yellow squash I didn't recognize. Luckily the recipe makes a ton, so we can both have it for lunch today and tomorrow.

Fortunately, I have lots of free and pre-paid entertainment options to carry me through the evenings and weekend: cable TV, the Internet, yoga class, a volunteer project, and perhaps the outdoors if the weather gets better. Tonight we're even going to a concert thanks to some friends with an extra pair of free tickets. As long as we can scrape up enough cash for parking, we can forego buying anything once we're there.

I never get too worked up about financial dry spells. When we first bought our house, we were broke, broke, broke. Every single month I ended up sending in the payment late, which cost us a $25 late fee that we didn't have either. We've long since broken out of that unfortunate circumstance, but it definitely taught me how to scale things back as needed.

It looks as though I'm going to have a bit of extra income soon: the cover band already has a potential gig lined up a week from Saturday. Looks like things are coming together even faster than I'd expected.

Well, I'm off to pack my lunch and make a yogurt parfait for breakfast. If you have any good money-saving tips, please share them in the comments.

Average Jane Stays Up Too Late

Ugh, these Tuesday night practices with the cover band are killing me. We don't meet until 7:30 p.m. (mostly because of my 6:00 p.m. vocal lesson), and practice ran until 11:30 last night. For those of you playing the home game, that's an hour and a half past my bedtime, which doesn't even count the drive home.

I woke up early this morning vigorously scratching my arm - something I'd deliberately avoided all the previous day because I have poison ivy from gardening last weekend. A little hydrocortisone cream dulled the itch so I could go back to bed.

Then I was awakened again by Xena attacking the drawstring on my pajama bottoms. Sigh. As it turned out, it was time for me to get up anyway.

My eyes are burning, I have a stiff neck, and there's a crease pressed across the left side of my cheek and mouth that looks like it's never going away. There's the rock and roll lifestyle for you. It ain't pretty.

For the next week or so, the original band should be doing a bunch of recording. Our guitarist has some vacation time coming and we need to get things wrapped up. That means I'll be spending my weekend writing song lyrics and finding out if the extra practice I've gotten with the other band has helped me in the vocal booth. Let's hope so.

Well, it's off to make myself halfway presentable for work and try to find something to eat for breakfast. Have a good Wednesday...and get some sleep!

Average Jane Shares A Recipe

It's been a while since I posted a recipe, so here's one of my favorites from childhood.

Stuffed Peppers

3-4 medium-sized bell peppers
1 pound ground beef
1 small can tomato paste
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 cup Minute® Rice, uncooked
Salt and pepper to taste

Cut off the tops and stems of the bell peppers and scoop out seeds and pulp. Mince the pepper from around the stem and set aside. Briefly blanch peppers in a pot of boiling water (1-2 minutes) and drain. Mix ground beef, tomato paste, onion, garlic powder, minced bell pepper, Minute Rice, salt and pepper. Pack mixture into pepper shells and place in an oven-proof dish. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40-45 minutes. Remove foil and brown for 10-15 minutes.

16 Things About Average Jane

I've been tagged for a meme by Tish Grier, which is most welcome on a Monday when I'm still tired from the weekend. Without further ado:

Four jobs I've had in my life:

• Cashier at a Sears store
• Editor and typesetter for a custom printing company
• Marketing Babe (at several different companies)
• Copywriter

Four places I have lived:

• A 13-acre farm with horses, chickens, peacocks, dogs and cats
• A run-down duplex owned by a notorious slumlord
• A condo with walls so thin that my husband overhead the upstairs neighbor greeting a call girl at the door
• My current house, which is getting more and more to my liking with each passing year (after 12 years)

Four of my favorite foods:

• Pasta
• Cheesecake
• Steak
• Cherry cobbler

Four places I'd rather be right now:

• On a beach in Jamaica (assuming that "now" means "not during hurricane season")
• At a bookstore
• Hiking in the mountains
• Lying in bed snuggled up with my cats and hubby, taking a nap

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to tag yourself if you need something to post about today.