Thanks to Girl Con Queso, I've discovered CelebMatch, a highly reliable, scientific quiz that has analyzed my biorhythms to determine which male celebrities I ought to run off and hook up with should I become available.
Their list for me (did I mention it was highly scientific?):
Casper van Dien - 98%
Tall, good-looking, about my age. Not a bad choice!
Andrew McCarthy - 98%
Should I be worried that his primary legacy seems to be "Weekend at Bernie's"?
Alessandro Nivola - 98%
I don't really know who he is, but maybe that's good. We can avoid the whole "Hollywood' thing and lead more normal lives.
Criss Angel - 97%
Aw, hell no! What a difference a percentage point makes. Anyone who has chosen the appellation "Mindfreak" for himself has immediately removed himself from contention.
Kid Rock - 97%
Pros: Rock star. Cons: Numerous baby mamas. Possible STDs. Probably still hung up on Pamela Anderson.
All in all, it looks like I'd be better off staying put with the guy who's done the "for richer or poorer" routine with me for almost 15 years now. Fame is overrated, don't you think?