Average Jane

Average Jane Packs for Camping

Last night I drove all over town Accomplishing Things. One thing I accomplished was finally trying on enough bras to determine my correct size. I really had to struggle with my short attention span when it came to dragging the fourth batch of bras into the dressing room, but I eventually triumphed and I'm hoping that someday the underwire grooves from all of my previous, too-small bras will fade away.

I also went shopping to get vital camping needs for this weekend, such as the ingredients for s'mores, a sleeping bag (purple!), some cheapo aqua socks for rafting, an LED flashlight, a fire lighter, propane tanks for the Keg-a-Que, bottled water, and some of those new fingertip tooth-cleaning thingys (they sounded perfect for camping).

I got my car about halfway packed last night, then added a cooler (no beer yet, but I'll get it on the way) and some other vital accessories. There's a strong possibility that I've brought too much stuff. One thing I didn't remember to pack is my pillow. I'll have to borrow one before the convoy sets out. I'd also meant to bring my CDs of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, but I forgot to grab them on the way out the door. Sigh.

On Monday I'll regale you with tales of my wild outdoor adventure (with sanitary facilities conveniently nearby). Have a great weekend!

Average Jane's Random Thoughts

It's one of those days, folks! I don't have time to focus on a single issue, so here are a few things I've been thinking about.

• Via J-Walk blog, here's a great list of the 100 Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English. I'm ashamed to admit that I've mispronounced one or two of these myself.
• I've noticed that the band Tool has a distinctive vocal rhythm on the verses of some of their songs. It occurs to me that it's the same rhythm as a Yosemite Sam faux-cursing tirade (ratzle fratzit...). Tell me I'm wrong!
• My pumpkin vine is still getting bigger and bigger. It now curves up a nearby yew bush, back down and around a peony bush, and has looped back to its own stem and is advancing on the sidewalk again. It's covered with blossoms, but I'm afraid it's pouring more energy into vine lengthening than pumpkin production.
• This weekend I'm going on my very first camping and rafting trip. I'm not really one for roughing it, but I think if I put enough thought into getting just the right type of beer, it'll all be okay.

Average Jane's Lowered Stress

Over the past few months, I've worked diligently to shed various responsibilities that had become overwhelming. I've gotten away from doing two club newsletters (one a 4- to 6-pager, the other a 16- to 24-pager) and I'm considering resigning a board seat. I still have club duties (I'm VP of one club right now and on a committee that will have a big project coming up in the spring), but the day-to-day stuff has been brought under control nicely.

Right now I'm current on paying my bills, my extracurricular work for my dad is within shouting distance of being caught up, and I can look forward to a time when someone could spontaneously call me up and invite me to dinner that night, and I could say, "Sure, my calendar's open!"

I'm positive that all of this benefits me in my regular work as well. It's a lot easier for me to be creative and spontaneous in my job when I don't have tons of extra projects lurking in the "after six" area of my calendar every day.

The only responsibility I've taken on lately that I don't resent at all is this blog. Sure, I worry that it isn't always completely fascinating every day (take today, for instance!), but as an exercise in daily writing I think it's been very valuable. Now that I have a little free time, who knows what I could accomplish? I'll leave my mark on the world yet...or maybe just watch more TV.

Average Jane & Her Hammock

Two years ago, I took some of my birthday money and purchased a big, rope hammock. I had an idea that I could hang in on my back deck, or perhaps between an unused fence post and our oak tree. As it turns out, there is NO appropriate place in my entire yard to hang a hammock. Thus, it has stood for more than two years in the closet of our spare bedroom, still in its original box.

Ever since then, I have had the notion that I would like to purchase a hammock stand. You might think this is a most uncomplicated plan, but I'm sorry to say that you'd be wrong.

I really don't enjoy shopping very much, so all hammock stand buying excursions are limited by my brief attention span. The year I bought the hammock, I saw hammock stands all over the place, but my ingrained cheapness held me back from spending the $99 that most of them cost. Now I'm having a very difficult time finding a hammock stand for sale at all.

This year's quest began at one of my favorite stores in the world, Cummins Tools. They had lots of nice, cheap hammock stands, but all of them were packaged with hammocks, and I don't need another hammock.

Wal-Mart's website listed a $59.95 hammock stand, so I went to The Scary Wal-Mart near my neighborhood (enduring on the way in, one group of idlers several rows away in the parking lot commenting too loudly about my car, and on the way out, one "hey baby" and a wolf whistle). I had run the gauntlet for naught, as this particular Wal-Mart did not have any hammock stands.

I'm now so used to doing all my shopping research online that I'm almost at a loss as to how to proceed. I suppose I'll have to pick up something called a "phone" and "call" stores' lawn and garden departments to search, I mean, "ask" if they have any hammock stands in stock. What a concept!

Average Jane Is Back!

There's nothing like working a six-day week (which doesn't even count all the prep work and "real job" work in the previous weeks) to make a full day off seem like heaven. Yesterday I slept late, put in the bare minimum of effort it took to sustain my vital functions for the day, and reveled in the fact that nobody was expecting me to do anything or be anywhere all day long.

I spent a lot of quality time with the cats while I caught up on a week's worth of TiVo'ed offerings. My husband and I discussed going to a movie, but ended up watching the first three episodes of The 4400 instead. It was a lovely treat that nicely addressed our lingering X-Files withdrawal syndrome. I can't wait to see what happens next Sunday.

Before bed, I read the first chapter of the new Laurie Notaro book, I Love Everyone (and Other Atrocious Lies), which I bought two weeks ago but hadn't even taken out of the bag until now. I love her writing - it always makes me laugh out loud while I'm reading. If you haven't read her book The Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club, I highly recommend it, too. I've probably read the essay, "Candy Apple Freakshow" a dozen times, and it still makes tears stream from my eyes with laughter every time I revisit it.

Last week actually went like clockwork compared to the other seminars we've done, and I was glad to be able to relax a bit and have fun with it. However, I think it's best that this week will feature significantly less beer in the evenings and significantly later wakeup times in the morning. I have to think of what's best for the blog!

Average Jane In the Home Stretch

There are only two days left of the seminar! Everything's still going very smoothly (knock on wood again, just in case).

Last night there was a social event for the attendees, and I decided to do a little shopping on my way home so that I could dispel the image of my functional, yet ugly, cargo shorts from earlier in the day. I bought a cute, two-layer top (silky aqua tank with a sheer, multi-colored, long-sleeved outer layer). I paired it with some denim capri pants and black sandals. The minute I showed up at the party, my dad said, "Is that your Britney Spears outfit?" Ha ha.

I asked him if he was saying that my outfit was inappropriate for my advanced age, but his friend told me, "Don't listen to him," which seemed like good advice.

I do have a little trouble deciding whether certain outfits are really cute or just make me look like I've trying in vain to recapture my lost youth. I'm glad I have a sister and lots of girlfriends to guide me most of the time.

Average Jane Checks In

Today is Day 4 of the 6-day seminar and things are going quite well (knock on wood). We are running out of a few vital supplies (notably certificates and t-shirts), but replacements should arrive tomorrow. All in all, this is probably the most low-stress seminar I've ever worked on, despite the fact that attendance figures just keep rising.

It's been EXTREMELY hot all week in a need-a-clean-bra-every-day kind of way (sorry guys, but you gals will know exactly what I mean). I've been wearing pants and jeans all week, but I made a quick shopping run out to Gordman's yesterday and picked up two pairs of cargo shorts from the young men's section (women's shorts are too short!). I'm wearing a lovely khaki pair today that's accented with orange trim and came complete with a compass clipped to the side in case I get turned around in the conference parking lot. Actually, it might come in handy on my canoe trip next weekend, you never know.

One thing that's notable about these seminars is that they provide many opportunities for socializing. On Tuesday night I had three pints of pale ale, which caused me to exhibit red, glassy eyes all day yesterday even though I felt fine. There are parties tonight and tomorrow night, too, so I'll have to try to pace myself better from here on out. I also changed to a new pair of contacts 'cause once you get bar smoke in your eyes, that's pretty much all she wrote for disposable lenses.

Well, I've used up my little block of free time. I'm off to pick up another Jeepload of seminar attendees and take them to their training location. Have a great Thursday!

Average Jane's Working Vacation

I'm taking this week off from my regular job and helping my dad put on a six-day seminar. There are more than 225 registrants this year, which makes it the largest seminar we've done in 23 years. Keeping track of all that paperwork is quite a task, but it's going okay so far. Tomorrow will actually be a little less taxing than today, but it'll get really hectic Wednesday through Saturday when everyone splits up into 5 or 6 different classes each day (right now everyone's taking the same class).

I swung by Target on my way home and managed to only spend about $32 bucks, which has to be some kind of cash-saving record for me. I mainly just bought what I originally went there to buy, but I impulse-bought a big package of clothes hangers and a DVD of So I Married An Axe Murderer (arguably the best Mike Myers movie ever). After that, I decided to get a meatball sub for dinner (delicious!) and since then I've been vegging on the couch watching everything that the TiVo has recorded in the last week.

I finally dropped the TiVo's remote control on the hardwood floor one time too many. Luckily, we have an extra one that we got during some kind of TiVo promotion a few years ago. It's not quite as fully programmed as the one that's sitting on the end table revealing tantalizing glimpses of circuit board, but I'm sure my husband can rectify that when he has time. (Thanks, honey!)

I'd say more, but I need to pay bills and get a little bit of work done tonight. My posts will be a somewhat sporadic this week, I predict, but it'll all be back to normal soon.

Average Jane's Taste in Home Decor

As you might have gathered from the previous two days' posts, my taste in objets d'art is a little...unconventional. That's what makes me such a fan of flea markets and rummage sales - you just never know when someone's going to part with something really weird and cool.

For example, I have a beautiful little bas-relief tile from Central America that I picked up for around 50 cents at a charity thrift shop. It depicts the touching scene of a jaguar devouring a human heart. Now there's the kind of thing you just can't get at Wal-Mart!

I have a painting in my living room called "Bluegrass Rhinos" that was done by our friend, Neil Cannon. It depicts rhinos grazing placidly in the fields of the midwestern U.S. (they do that, right?) as a tornado approaches, carrying a leering jester's mask toward the foreground. My husband and I think it's cool. When the glass broke and we had to have the frame repaired, I could tell that the frame shop people thought it was appalling.

My other living room decoration that people either love or don't mention (they've taken to heart the advice of Thumper's father from Bambi, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.") is a big metal carousel horse sculpture that we have hanging above the couch. I like it. It conveys a nice sense of action, the colors complement the rest of the room decor, and it appeals to my inner child.

If you look closely at even my more "normal" decorations, you'll sometimes see something unusual. I found a great cast-iron candlestick at a flea market a few years ago that has a Jack and the Beanstalk motif. I keep a stuffed toy platypus on my desk because, hey, did you know you could buy a stuffed toy platypus? My favorite ceramic decoration is a big whiskey decanter shaped like a jackalope. I wouldn't want a "real" jackalope in my house because I think taxidermy is too creepy, but I enjoy having a depiction of one.

I suppose I'll never completely grow out of my interest in the weird and unusual. It's a persistent reminder that the world is far more varied and fascinating than what I see every day. That's a good thing to remember.

Average Jane's Still Too Busy To Talk

Heaven forbid that I should skip a day, so instead I'll waste another few seconds of your time with goofy stuff I really want, even though I'm not sure it has a place in any kind of normal household. Today's selection:

T-Rex Head Trophy - This would look spectacular over our fireplace in the living room. Well worth the $325 (if I had it).