Average Jane

Average Jane's Daily Rituals: Coffee

My husband is in charge of washing any dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher, so when I’m ready to make my morning coffee, first I must gather the clean parts of the coffee maker from the dish drainer on the right-hand side of the sink. If there are a lot of clean items, I put them away before I go any further.

The coffee maker sits on a clever tray with little wheels underneath and I slide it forward—out from under the cabinet.

I start by putting the filter basket inside its outer shell, making sure to swing its handle to the back, away from the opening where the grounds pour in. Once I put on the lid, I pull out the middle portion of the coffee machine, nestle the whole apparatus into place, and close it again with a click. Then it's time to assemble the grinder. I slide its screen under the spout, pull up the top lid of the coffee maker, and work the unit firmly into its spot. 

The container of coffee beans is kept right next to the coffee maker, tucked to the back of the counter. I set it on the stove, remove the clear top lid, pull up the handle of the inner vacuum lid, and pull it out with a “schwhoop!” My favorite coffee scoop (and some lesser coffee scoops) are on a lazy susan nearby in a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy themed mug made for me by the mother of my high school boyfriend. I measure out four scoops of beans and drop them into the grinder, then “schwhoop” the vacuum lid back into place, fold down its handle, put the clear lid back, and restore the canister to its usual spot.

I put the grinder lid on and then grab the glass carafe. If I’m lucky, the Brita container in the refrigerator is relatively full. If not, I grab it by its front handle and set it in the sink. The last time I had a new kitchen faucet installed I learned that our kitchen pipes are smaller than they should be. So, it takes a while to fill the Brita’s upper chamber and I have to pay attention to make sure it doesn’t overflow.

Either way, I fill the carafe to the four-cup line with filtered water and pour it into the top right side of the coffee maker. Once I click the lid closed and push the machine back under the cabinet, I press the “1-4 cups” button followed by the start button. The grinder loudly kicks in and continues for what seems to be far longer than necessary to grind four scoops of beans, and then it brews the two cups of coffee I will drink that morning.

I’ve been collecting coffee mugs for years. I keep my favorites at the front of the shelf where I can reach them and I occasionally rearrange the cupboard to make sure I’m not leaving any of them out of circulation for too long. I choose each day’s mug according to my mood, fill it with freshly brewed coffee, and carry it up to my desk (or to my favorite chair on days when I’m not working), usually with a small plate with toast or a breakfast pastry balanced on top.

This happens every single day (unless I happen to go out to breakfast) and the whole process only takes about five minutes, despite the many steps. It’s my morning meditation and the source of my energy for the day to follow.

What’s your favorite morning ritual?

Average Jane Writes A Daily Haiku - January 2023

Last year when Wordle became a big deal, a group of friends of mine on Discord started sharing our scores every day as our proof of life. This year, I decided I was tired of the game, so instead I proposed a daily haiku. 

My poetry is as mundane as everything I write on the blog, so I figured as long as I’m writing a little poem every day, I might as well collect them at the end of each month and share them here. I write a lot of them first thing in the morning, which I’m sure you will be able to tell.

Without further ado and with no added context, here is the crop from January.

January 1st:
Greeting the new year
Under piles of warm blankets
Today I will rest

January 2nd:
Cleaning the freezer
So many expired foods
Need better planning 

January 3rd:
Back to work today
My password is expired
I might run away

January 4th:
Post-insomnia
Ridiculous vivid dreams
Really want that dress

January 5th:
Cat just woke me up
Why isn’t it Friday yet?
Need to win lotto

January 6th:
Up extra early
More time with the cats and dog
And the laundry, too

January 7th:
Oven set to low
Spices, sugar, vinegar
Pulled pork for dinner

January 8th:
Memento mori 
Was the unexpected theme
Of new Puss in Boots

January 9th:
Crashed with the lights on
So tired, completely dressed
I need more weekend

January 10th:
Snuggly little dog
Giant, purring black kitty
Might go back to sleep

January 11th:
This bag of spinach
NOT thoroughly rinsed as billed
I hope that is mud

January 12th:
Spilled coffee again 
My desk is caffeinated
Better than I am

January 13th:
Just one more workday
Until the three-day weekend 
My brain needs a rest

January 14th:
Thai yoga massage
Ninety minutes booked today
Ahhh, relaxation 

January 15th:
Spent time in nature 
Lovely, even with no green
I’ll sleep well tonight 

January 16th:
Baked lemon pound cake
Homemade, from scratch, delicious 
So suck it, Starbucks

January 17th:
Oh hey, back to work
What did I forget last week?
Gonna find out now

January 18th:
Taught the spouse one game 
And now he always wins it
I’m a sore loser

January 19th:
Haven’t sung in years
Going to a jam tonight 
Where are my lyrics?

January 20th:
It’s still a workday?
Why am I so damn tired?
Wish I were a cat

January 21st:
A busy day planned
But first I’ll sit and admire
My fancy new rug

January 22nd:
Early to bed and
Early to rise makes for some
Quiet reading time

January 23rd:
Office is so cold
Checked to make sure the windows
Were actually closed

January 24th:
Weather is changing
I don’t need a forecaster
My sinuses know

January 25th:
The perfect snowfall:
Pretty on the tree branches
Not much on the ground 

January 26th:
It’s time to get up
But this book is really good
And this dog is warm

January 27th:
It’s RuneQuest day - yay!
Finding my inner sassy
Shapeshifter again

January 28th:
Muffins for breakfast 
No real plans for the weekend
Guess I’ll read this book

January 29th:
I cut down a tree
Yesterday so today I
Will relax all day

January 30th:
Little bit sniffly
Swab, swirl, drop, fifteen minutes 
Nope, looks like I’m fine

January 31st:
Gas pump soaked my gloves
Flammable laundry is not
A task I wanted

Average Jane Cuts Down A Tree

Once upon a time, I had a huge, ancient locust tree in my front yard. Time took its inevitable toll and after the tree dramatically split in half one day, I had it cut down and the stump ground up.

That’s where this mistake began.

After a bit, I decided I would like to have a tree in that spot again. I did some research, decided on a tulip poplar, and purchased one that was about six or seven feet tall. I dug a hole in the middle of the tree trunk mulch and installed the new tree.

Now, the problem with planting a tree in the spot where another, bigger tree used to be, is that it takes a while for the old roots to finish breaking down—and when they do, that spot begins to sink. At best, you end up with your new tree in a pit and at worst, you have the problem that developed at my house.

After a while, it became clear that my tree was leaning. It’s something I would probably have been able to fix with stakes over the first few years, but I never quite got around to it. In fact, I even purchased stakes and rope and kept aside an old garden hose to cut into pieces so it would protect the tree from the rope, but I never quite got where I was headed with the whole project.

So, the tree kept growing and the angle of the lean got sharper. The outer side of the trunk split and began to rot, even as the tree finally matured enough to start blooming. The top of the tree tried desperately to swoop a bit toward being vertical, but without much success. Meanwhile, no amount of fill dirt seemed to be enough to keep the pit the tree was situated in from deepening each year. Mowing around it was always a dusty chore.

Yesterday, I finally did what I should have done years before. The weather was unseasonably nice, so I got out my work gloves, my reciprocating saw, my loppers and a tarp, and I went out to cut the tree down.

I started by cutting off the top part at about the five-foot mark. It fell just short of my Little Free Library, and I used my tools to cut off the branches one by one and pile them on the tarp. I cut up pieces that were thick enough for the fire pit into logs and put them by the back fence to dry until next spring.

Now, a reciprocating saw isn't the ideal tool for cutting down a tree of this size. However, I was working alone and didn't like the idea of using a chainsaw without a work buddy around. So, I took breaks from tackling the lower trunk of the tree to haul the branches to the brush pile in my back yard. When I couldn't drag the tarp with the full pile on it, I enlisted my wheelbarrow for two loads and used the tarp for the rest.

I kind of hated to increase the size of my brush pile, but I have plans for it in the spring. Also, if there are any critters living in there right now, they might appreciate the extra layers of branches while it’s still winter.

Once I had the front yard cleaned up, it was time to finish the job. I’m in the kind of shape you’d expect for someone who sits at a desk all day and then chooses board gaming and watching YouTube videos as her preferred leisure activities. But I persisted in tackling the base of the tree from all angles, taking breaks as needed and occasionally saying, “Almost there,” out loud in a way that I hope did not have the neighbors questioning my sanity.

Finally, I managed to cut through the base of the trunk. Not surprisingly, it weighed too much for me to just pick it up and take it away. Fortunately, my neighbor and her son were driving by and stopped to comment about my tree triumph right about then. They lifted the trunk onto my tarp for me, which was all I needed to be able to drag it into the back yard. I make it sound so easy. In reality, it was heavy as hell and I barely had the strength to get it where I wanted it.

The rest of the job can wait until spring. I need to have some gung-ho friends come over for a chainsaw party where we can cut up the rest of the trunk and also another fallen tree that’s nearby. The brush pile will be fed into my wood chipper to make mulch for my various landscaping needs. And I’ll order enough dirt to fill the very large depression in the yard where the tree was.

Despite that entire process taking more than two hours, I feel surprisingly okay today. My biceps and quads are a little sore, but I was expecting much worse.

Best of all, I can now walk out into my front yard without being confronted by a tall, crooked reminder of my own series of mistakes.

Farewell, tree. You deserved better.

Average Jane Has An Incredibly Puzzling Conversation

After the Chiefs game ended tonight my husband came downstairs and I happened to mention that we should watch the Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special sometime soon, even though I've heard it's pretty terrible.

Him: "Wow they made a holiday special. With the whole cast?"

Me: "Yes."

Him: "Except for the one who died. Sneep?"

Me: "What? Yes, all the characters who are alive in universe."

Him: "You know, the guy who played Sneep in Harry Potter."

Me: "Sneep? What are you talking about? Do you mean the guy from the Walking Dead?"

Him: "No, the guy who was also in Harry Potter."

Me: "There was no one from Harry Potter in Guardians of the Galaxy!"

Him: ...

Me: ...

Him: "I thought you meant Galaxy Quest."

Me: "Galaxy Quest?! Why would they make a holiday special now from a 23-year-old movie?"

Him: "I don't know why they do anything."

And...scene.

 

Average Jane Scales Back Thanksgiving

Guess who's still sick? It's me! And the spouse. Just phasing into a new stage of illness in the third week, still testing positive, and now dealing with sinus congestion and more coughing.

So, I'm obviously not hosting Thanksgiving dinner after all. Yet I have the food, so I'll have to at least cook the turkey so I can put the majority of it in the freezer for later. I'm actually leaning toward cooking the dinner on Wednesday because it sounds good and most of the meal is fairly easy to prepare.

I'll obviously make smaller portions of the side dishes - especially the dressing, which will now be a box of Stove Top. I might skip the dinner rolls because we will have plenty of carbs without them.

Mostly, I'm just looking forward to the leftovers.

In the meantime, I'm back to working from my bed with my trusty Snuggle Dog™. I'm taking off Thursday and Friday, but considering that I've basically spent the last 14 days in bed, I doubt that a four-day weekend is going to make that much difference in my recovery. At this point, I just have to be patient, I guess.

Average Jane Plans a Thanksgiving Feast

It's time to appease the algorithm deities by posting a fresh link to my Thanksgiving recipe booklet! It's a convenient, downloadable document that will walk you through the daunting parts of creating the traditional white people Thanksgiving meal, plus it has a couple of recipes for appetizers that everyone might like.

I'll be following it next week, with a couple of little wrinkles. Over the past several years, I'd gotten rather lazy and I'd been catering much of the meal and filling in with homemade rolls, pies, etc. Last year, I made an unfortunate choice of restaurant and our meal was so terrible that I went to the store and made the whole thing over again the next day from scratch.

That broke the spell of catering for me, so this year I'm making the whole shebang myself, including a ridiculously huge turkey that I bought well in advance because I was concerned about rumors of a turkey shortage. Today was the day to take it out of the freezer and put it in the fridge to start thawing, which I did this morning.

Also on the menu: stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, my great-aunt's dinner rolls, and a couple of pumpkin pies. My aunt is bringing roasted sweet potatoes from her garden and I'm considering making 50/50 pumpkin/sweet potato pies this year to jazz things up a bit. I'll report back.

For an appetizer, I'll make the pomegranate salsa recipe from the booklet. Even if you're pretty confident about getting dinner on the table according to a strict schedule, it never hurts to have a little snack available just in case.

This weekend, I'll get my grocery shopping out of the way, then clean my house in fits and starts until it feels presentable. I'm only having three guests, five diners in total, so I really only need to worry about the living room, kitchen and bathrooms. We can close the other doors. Yes, I want my house to be clean but I also have a library book due on the 22nd. Priorities, you know.

The dog is guaranteed to be a pain in the ass the whole time because she is 100% pure chihuahua (did I ever mention that I got her DNA tested? Nothing but chihuahuas all the way down.) and she has zero trust in our judgment when it comes to letting evil strangers into the house. She will bark the whole time except when people are sitting quietly, and it will be annoying to all. But after nearly three years of houseguest-free existence, she's less socialized than ever, so that's just how it goes.

If I don't post again before the holiday, I hope you enjoy yourselves. If my recipes helped you out, let me know!

Average Jane Was Wrong

When I last posted, I had talked myself into believing that I was dealing with some fall allergies or perhaps a mild cold. So logic. Many delusion. 

That night - the night before I was supposed to work the election - I barely slept at all because I felt like absolute ass. Horrible headache, sore throat, cough, the whole works. I took another COVID test, went back to bed while I waited for my phone to announce that 15 minutes were up, and there they were: two lines.

I'd made it almost three years without succumbing to the 'rona, but I'd finally flown too close to the sun during some activity or other.

First, I had to call and leave a message for the election board that I wouldn't be able to work after all. I was supposed to be the assistant supervising judge for my polling location, but fortunately they had a spare ready to send in. If I'd tested negative, I might have been stupid enough to mask up and try to tough it out, but the test result saved me from myself. It would have been the most ill-advised decision I'd ever made if I'd really tried to go through with being on my feet all day.

I had already taken the day off from my job for the election, so at least I didn't have to worry about that. The day was largely a blur because I felt awful. But after a ton of run-around trying to get a Paxlovid prescription, my doctor called one in and a friend not only picked it up for me, but also brought me cookies, lemon drops, NyQuil, aspirin and Gatorade, all of which I am still enjoying at the end of the week. Getchu some friends like that.

The next day I felt considerably better. The headache has never returned, although I'm obviously still sick. I turned my bed into a complete squirrel's nest of cables with my work laptop and headset and my personal laptop and headset. Complete with snuggly dog, of course.

I ended up working a full day on Wednesday from my bed office and most of the day on Thursday before I got really tired and needed to stop.

Today I had some new symptoms that might be medication side-effects, and since I didn't have any meetings on the calendar it seemed like the ideal time to take a three-day weekend.

All this week I've mostly been consuming toast, oatmeal, soup and Sprite, all of which I got early on via an Instacart order. Yesterday I ordered a hearty and delicious comfort food lunch, but it may have overwhelmed my delicate system. I do truly appreciate all the offers from various friends to bring me stuff, though.

I sent the spouse to the library last night because my hold on N.K. Jemisin's "The World We Make" had come in and I was very invested to see how the story ended after having read the first book early this year while I was on vacation in Costa Rica. It can go back to the library tonight and I'll be moving on to my pile of other books between naps.

What have I learned from all this?

1. Keep wearing your masks! I'd recently upgraded to some nice 3M Aura N95s but guess what? They can't help you if you aren't wearing them.
2. Get Paxlovid if you can. It made an immediate, noticeable difference in how I felt. Yes, it makes your mouth taste horrible, but as long as you keep eating and drinking neutral things, you can make it dissipate. I know there's a risk of COVID bounceback after the treatment course ends, but apparently that's a risk with or without the medication.
3. Rest, rest, rest. Centralizing my existence on my bed was a great choice, not only to stay away from the uninfected member of the household, but also to force myself to take it easy. If I lived alone, I'm pretty sure I would have been overdoing things by now.

Finally, it's been terribly sad to have a first-row seat to the rapid breakdown of Twitter this week. If you're still there (I am, mostly to keep my account mine), turn on two-factor authentication, delete your DMs, don't provide any financial information, and consider restricting your account to your current followers. 

That's enough for now. I think I feel another nap coming on. See you here whenever you stop by!

Average Jane Is Sniffly

Ah, it's that wonderful time of the year when you get to play: Cold or Allergies? Except now it's: Cold, Allergies or COVID?

Last night I was leaning toward the virus theory because I was so tired, but of course I was tired! On Saturday I'd driven around all day leading a Caffeine Crawl and drinking entirely too much caffeine and sugar. Then I had to deal with the clocks being set back an hour. The wicked combination of my usual insomnia and the dog's breakfast time magically shifting to 5:00 a.m. meant I was behind on sleep and battling my own circadian rhythms. 

Yet somehow I woke up on Sunday inspired to actually complete my weekend to-do list, so I cleaned out my refrigerator, deep-cleaned the kitchen trash and recycling cans, and moved everything on the countertops to clean behind and underneath it all. Then I sat through more than two hours of election training, so I definitely came by my tiredness honestly. Ignoring the time change as I generally do at first, I turned in around 8:00 p.m. after loading up on remedies for post-nasal drip.

Today I took my umpteenth negative COVID test since 2020 and then had the wherewithal to cook myself a full breakfast, so I'm now betting on allergies unless something changes. 

Tomorrow I have 13+ hours of election work ahead of me, so I need all the energy I can get. Here's hoping a few more cups of cinnamon tea will put everything right.

Average Jane Plans Her Retreat from Twitter

You'd think that I wouldn't love a social media platform that helped make my own blog mostly obsolete, but Twitter has been my favorite online outpost since I joined in 2008. With it clearly circling the drain, I'm cautiously hanging on for now, but I can foresee the end coming soon, one way or another.

In the early days, local Twitter followers found each other quickly and if someone posted, "Who wants to grab lunch today downtown?" you could feasibly get a group of eight people together within an hour to share a meal. I made some great friends who turned out to live within a few blocks of me at the time and we still see each other regularly. I know people who found roommates, met spouses, and, like me, formed solid social lives around their "tweeps."

As the platform matured and I began following more people, it turned into an information firehose. I began deliberately shaping my feed to include perspectives from people in other communities, professions and cultures. I follow so many scientists, historians, activists and experts to learn interesting and inspiring things. 

Twitter has also been a vital source of news, from "on the ground" information when something is happening to filtered national news that surfaces the key stories of the day. I'm not sure what's going to take its place in that regard. 

More than once I've told someone, "I live on Twitter." It's been my hangout, my place to shout into the void when I'm feeling lonely, and a solid source of entertainment. I've been a small enough fish to stay off the radar of trolls for the most part. Plus, it probably helps that I also use it for the same kind of casual, everyday thoughts that this blog has always encompassed. 

Yes, many mornings it felt like doomscrolling was an unhealthy way to start the day, but I also know my own feelings enough to sense when to put down the phone and do something in the real world.

I've always been fully aware of the adage, "If you're not paying, you're the product." That's why I made sure I put in a ticket to get this blog back up and running after last week's outage. I am paying to be here, so I suppose this is where I'll plant my flag again. If nothing else, it makes me findable - and perhaps I'll start posting more regularly again to take the place of the 280-character running commentaries to which I've been so accustomed.

It's sad to see such a vibrant community deliberately destroyed. As much as I enjoy the Discord groups that have sprung up as an end run around the horribleness of social media moguls, they're too siloed to take the place of the Twitter experience. Fingers crossed that a good alternative presents itself soon.

Average Jane Does and Doesn't Get A New Stove

A few months ago, I was baking a quiche when the stove started beeping far too early and I looked over to see smoke coming out of the oven vents. The appliance had malfunctioned and within about 20 minutes, turned my lovely homemade quiche into a Pyrex pie plate full of near charcoal.

In its misguided, overheated fury, the oven couldn't be turned off with the usual button. I had to descend to the basement and flip its breaker, which meant it sat inert in its spot for more than two weeks while I waited for the new control panel it needed. Until then, I'd never realized how much I depended on it as a clock.

Repair day finally arrived and a technician put in a new primary control panel, which included the clock face and oven control buttons. That's the most expensive single part that my type of stove has, so if anything else ever breaks, it will be economically worthwhile to keep doing repairs.

Today, my stove is the same as it ever was, except that it's completely different. The LEDs are slightly brighter and greener now. When the timer goes off, the three tones sound for a noticeably longer time than they did before. I'd grown accustomed to baking things an extra five or ten minutes to make sure they were done in the middle, but now most baked goods are ready at the shorter end of the suggested baking range. The stove's brain and heart have been replaced and I never realized how intimately I'd gotten to know them over the approximately 20 years I'd had it until everything changed. 

I think a similar thing happens to people. Over a decade, two decades, three decades, everyone's brain and heart undergo changes. It's seldom all at once, except perhaps in instances like an ayahuasca experience, but the things that drive us and make us ourselves don't stay static. In relation to other people, that forces reckonings from time to time. Are those brighter, greener lights tolerable? Have our values and motivations changed so much that it's time to upend our lives completely?

Many times, we can get used to changes and figure out how to adjust slightly and continue moving down the same path. At other times, it makes more sense to veer in a new direction. And sometimes it boils down to what you can afford.

Anyway, I'm back to making quiches again.